Matresses: 2, Me: 0 - How I Tried to Achieve Jackie Chan's Wall Flip and Failed Miserably
The Tiger Tangle: A Tale of Gravity-Defying Fumbles and Hilarious High-Fly Kung Fu!
The Great Leg-Grabbing Shenanigans: A Comical Journey to Perfect Kicks with Bartek
The Great Wall of Folly: How Mr. W's Leap of Faith Became a Crash Course in Gravity
Matresses: 2, Me: 0 - How I Tried to Achieve Jackie Chan's Wall Flip and Failed Miserably
I was 19 years old, for 3 years I had been training in Robert Was school YMAA Krakow. I've never learned a backflip, but I really wanted to learn how to do a wall flip - kind of Jackie
Chan style... Because I wasn't stupid ;) , I prepared two mattresses against the wall. The first time I ran to the wall, I tripped over the mattress. I almost banged my head against the wall... It was a sign: let it go! But I didn't listen to my guardian angel.
The second time with more attention I ran onto the mattress, took two steps along the wall, bounced back and flew. The problem was that I didn't know what to do in the air to turn... I landed flat as a board on my back, but far enough from the wall that the mattress ended at my shoulder line and my head just behind, hitting the parquet floor. The noise was so big that all the trainees in the room, led by my instructor Robert, came running. I think I lost consciousness for a moment, when I woke up I saw Robert's very concerned face above me. Luckily I only had a large bump on my head, no cut. But after that I didn't want to learn wall flip anymore ;)
The Tiger Tangle: A Tale of Gravity-Defying Fumbles and Hilarious High-Fly Kung Fu!
I finished teaching my Kung Fu Kids training in Nowa Huta and left the school to go for a training with Master Robert Was (YMAA Krakow). My car was parked by the road, which was obstructed from the sidewalk by posts every 1,5 metres connected with the chain. Instead of walking around the fence like a normal person, I decided to jump over it because, you know, practising always requires a bit of extra flair.
No big deal, right? Well, the problem came when my training bag, held in my left hand, got caught on the chain, lifting it up. Instead of clearing the obstacle, which was about knee-high, I ended up with the chain at hip height. And there I was, already mid-air. As you can easily imagine, my upper part went over, but my legs got tangled in the chain. I quickly transformed into a cat (or rather a tiger), effortlessly flipping in the air and landing on my hands, performing a graceful forward roll. From the smooth roll, I effortlessly rose, picked up my bag, and got into my car.
During my training session with my teacher, when he wanted to showcase a wrist lock (Chin Na) on me, it turned out that my right wrist was quite sore. Robert asked me what happened, to which I explained, adding that in mid-air, I must have looked like a tiger. The whole group burst into tears of laughter
The Great Leg-Grabbing Shenanigans: A Comical Journey to Perfect Kicks with Bartek
Introduction:
In the world of martial arts, there are moments of triumph and moments that make you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea. My quest to master the elusive spinning jump kick with Bartek was an epic tale filled with laughter, mishaps, and a painfully swollen elbow. Let me regale you with my misadventure in Monty Python style!
Chapter 1: The Grand Aspiration
I decided it was high time to add some flair to my kicks. Bartek, my ever-enthusiastic martial arts buddy, agreed to assist me in my quest to learn the spinning jump kick. The plan? To perform a majestic spin and kick my opponent's face while in mid-air. What could go wrong?
Chapter 2: The Fateful Attempt
As I launched into my spinning jump kick, something went awry. Bartek, in a moment of sheer panic, he lifted my leg, thinking I was about to give him an involuntary makeover with my foot. In an unexpected twist, my leg went higher, and my trajectory took a nosedive.
Chapter 3: The Crash Landing
The result? A spectacularly awkward and painful crash landing on the unforgiving dojo floor. My elbow swelled to epic proportions, and my dreams of becoming a spinning kick sensation were dashed.
Chapter 4: The Painful Realization
With an ice pack on my elbow and Bartek trying to suppress his laughter (unsuccessfully), I had a revelation. If I wanted to avoid such mishaps in the future, I needed to double down on my training. After all, an opponent shouldn't be able to grab my leg mid-kick!
Chapter 5: The Road to Redemption
Embracing my newfound wisdom, I embarked on a rigorous training regime. Bartek continued to be my ever-present buddy, ensuring that my kicks were lightning-fast, precise, and leg-grab-proof. We practiced tirelessly, and with each kick, I felt a little less like a Monty Python character.
Conclusion:
In the end, my pursuit of the spinning jump kick was a hilarious mix of ambition and mishap. While I may have suffered a swollen elbow and bruised ego, I also gained valuable insights into the world of martial arts. One thing's for sure, with Bartek's friendly assistance and a bit more practice, I'll soon be executing kicks so swift and cunning that no opponent will dare to grab my leg mid-flight. Until then, my adventures in martial arts continue, with a healthy dose of humour and humility.
The Great Wall of Folly: How Mr. W's Leap of Faith Became a Crash Course in Gravity
In the esteemed environs of YMAA Krakow, a report of curious happenings has reached the ears of those who relish in tales of ambition and the consequential folly that often follows. It was during a routine warm-up session within a Shaolin Kung Fu class that the incident took place, involving the students racing from one wall to the opposite, each vying to best the other in speed.
Among these students was a former pupil of mine, known to us as Mr. W, whose desire to outpace his peers spurred him to devise a rather unorthodox strategy. His plan, conceived in the heat of the moment, was to utilize the wall itself as a catapult. As he approached the end of his sprint, he intended to leap onto the wall, repel from it, and by this action, gain an advantage to secure his position at the fore of the pack.
This he did attempt with a gusto that could only be matched by his lack of foresight. Upon reaching the wall, Mr. W executed his jump. The execution, however, was far from flawless. The wall, an unyielding adversary, met Mr. W's heel with such an unfortunate angle that the reverberations echoed not only through the wall but through the very sinew and bone of his heel.
Comment from Mr. W:
The story is almost perfectly precise. However, there was one additionaly moment in the execution of the plan: while running there was a thought "Maybe I should not do that?"...."naaaah....."
The immediate aftermath was confusion, punctuated by the singular clarity of Mr. W's pain. The training session ground to a halt, attention shifting from the competition to the welfare of Mr. W. Subsequent medical consultation revealed the grim truth of the matter: a fractured heel, the result of his miscalculated maneuver.
The consequences were severe for Mr. W, who was prescribed a six-month hiatus from training, a period of rest and recovery far longer than any advantage he might have gained in his fleeting dash for supremacy.
In conclusion, Mr. W's tale has been recounted here not merely as a record of misadventure but as a cautionary tale, emphasizing the virtue of traditional practice over the folly of reckless innovation, particularly within the hallowed confines of martial training. The walls of YMAA Krakow, it seems, have taught us all a lesson in humility and the limits of human endeavor.
The Day I Tried to Be Jackie Chan and Failed Miserably
Have you ever tried to do something cool and ended up embarrassing yourself? Well, that’s what happened to me when I attempted to overcome a barrier like Jackie Chan and hit my head on it instead. Here is my story of how I made a fool of myself and inspired a poem.
I was going to visit my friends by tram, when I left the house I saw the approaching tram. To get to the stop, I had to run across the road (that was not a problem) and overcome the barrier separating the road from the stop. Jumping over the barrier seemed like the most obvious choice, so I immediately rejected it as too easy.
The barrier had two horizontal steel bars (the lower one at knee height, the upper one at solar plexus height). I came up with the idea that I would overcome it like Jackie Chan… running, I jumped forward with my legs between the bars, grabbed the upper one with my hands, my legs landed behind the barrier, I pulled myself up with my hands and stood up. That was the theory…
Running, I jumped forward with my legs, caught the upper bar with my hands and… my grip did not withstand the weight of my body, so I fell forward and down. When I hit the lower bar with my back, my body bounced up and I hit the upper bar with my forehead. It hurt… But not as much as my ego, because the people standing at the stop and those on the tram were laughing their heads off…
I quickly got myself together, ran to the second car (since it was a bit further away, the people from the car did not see what I did). My forehead and back hurt but I could live with it, worse, that people looked at me a bit strangely even though they did not see my Jackie Chan action.
It turned out only when I got to my friends and Darek (nickname Jamesior) greeted me with the words: what do you have such a plum on your forehead??? The swelling was huge and red (purple after 3 days), so I told them what happened - they both cried with laughter… A month later I got an email from Jamesior that this story inspired him so much that he wrote a poem about it and me… Here is the poem (unfortunately in Polish):
ZA KARĘ ŻE NIE WIERZYSZ W MOJE ZDOLNOŚCI - PRZESYLAM CI WIERSZYK KTÓRY NAPRĘDCE STWORZYŁEM ABYŚ UWIERZYŁ I PRZYZNAŁ WSZEM ŻE MAM TALENT.
Z życia Zbysia
Stoi Zbysiu na przystanku
Wzrok zadziorny, wąsik cienki
Stoi, czeka, nic nie jedzie
Nie, nie zniesie tej udręki
Nudzi Zbysiu się okrutnie
Gdzie ten tramwaj, co u licha
Przecież Gosciem jestem z Huty
A tu taka wielka kicha
Stoi Zbysiu na przystanku
No i poręcz też tam stała,
A że Zbysiu chwat nad chwaty
Co to zawsze cos zmajstruje
Mysli sobie - poręcz mała
Wnet ją zaraz wypróbuję
Już muskuły swe napręża
Już do skoku się szykuje
Orlim wzrokiem przestrzeń bada
I odległość kalkuluje
Jeszcze tylko zerknie na bok
Panny patrzą - dobrze jest
zaraz wam pokażę ktom zacz
Jam jest Jackie Chan - The Best!!
O, już ruszył, Tygrys w skoku
Co za gracja co za szyk!
Niczym Batman, niczym sokół
Leci - poręcz weźmie w mig
Lecz uwaga - coś jest nie tak
Poręcz stała tak jak stoi
Huk się tylko wokół rozszedł -
Zbysia za to głowa boli
Leży Zbysiu na chodniku
Kurtka w błocie, łezki w oczach
Coś twardego mu urosło
Lecz nie w okolicach krocza!!
Śliwa wielka się wyrywa
która pięknie czoło znaczy
Jedna z drugą panna patrzy
Tylko chichot zręcznie skrywa
I tak dalej I te de
wszyscy cicho śmieją się
Biedny Zbysiu rozłożony myśli
- "słupek pier...lony"
Może on i Jackie Chan
Ale teraz klnie jak cham!
Jakiż morał bajkę znaczy?:
Jeśliś pozer i cwaniaczek
Zawsze jakąś poręcz znajdziesz
Która ci to wytłumaczy.
z pozdrowieniami
Jamesior
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